Working with thousands of clients over the years as an online dating coach, I’ve seen so many simple errors intelligent singles make that hamper their chances with online dating.
Before you say online dating does not work (it does), or it will not work for me (why not?), or my friends tell me horror stories (believe me, they are doing something wrong—it’s them, not the app/site), here are some things to think about:
- A unique Profile
Short and Sweet sells. No one wants to read a long monologue.
Here’s an excerpt of a profile I wrote for a male client that got great traction….and a relationship:
“YES: vanilla, rosemary, Buenos Aires, humility, Barnes & Noble browsing, bourbon, cilantro, dogs, generosity, bikes, empathy, skates, skis, boats.
NO: beets, videoconference dates, whining about online dating apps, Red Wings, selfishness, arrogance, snakes.
I can’t grow a bougainvillea to save myself. It grows like a weed here and I can’t keep it alive for 10 days.”
We had trouble keeping up with the responses he got!
- Your Profile
It must be grammatically perfect with no mistakes. Yes, people read these and if they see you using “there” and “their” wrong, they very well may skip right over you. Spellcheck is your BF!
- Messages
If I hear one more woman tell me the man should reach out first, I’ll lose it!. Men love when you make the first move.
If they do send a message, it can be one of two big mistakes:
- It’s a short generic message
- It’s a 3-paragraph novella where you are cross-eyed by the end with way too much information. Nobody will read this.
- The Phone thing
Pre-date, why do you need to chat on the phone?
Here are the issues with that:
A. A 45–60-minute call—client all excited as they have so much in common and the first date expectations have risen astronomically. Very few dates can measure up now.
B. A short, awkward call and no date ensues. This is a bummer because the other person may just not be good on the phone—perhaps a bit reserved, shy, etc. This could have been the right person for you!
Ok, the only time I encourage a phone call is if there is significant distance.
You live within 20 minutes of each other. Go on the date. It’s coffee or a drink. Get dressed and go!
- Your photos
Nobody, yes, nobody goes to your profile first. Photos make or break you.
If you are serious about online dating and going on good dates or perhaps beginning a relationship, 5-6 great photos are a necessity. And by that I do not mean filtered, air-brushed, highly edited photos. I just mean you at your very best. And current—as in from the past year. And what you will look like when you show up on your date.
Action shots sell. I had a NYC Wall Street-type juggling in a pic. Plus, he bowls. (I guess no one bowls and that grabbed a bit of attention). Not the stereotypical private equity guy, right?
I hope this helps you a bit—I love what I do and enjoy my one-on-one contact with clients. It’s one of the reasons that I sold It’s Just Lunch (I founded it in 1991 and sold out to Private Equity when we had 110 locations globally) as I missed client contact. Remember, it only takes one! For the Silo, Andrea McGinty.
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